Lets think about all the professional services partners who are single or divorced women. First, my apologies if you are one of the 0.1% of women partners who are the exception to my following rant. Returning to the population in question, I posit that these women are single or divorced for a reason. They prefer their careers to their personal lives. Simple. Say what they will about feminism, they will be depressed spinsters in their later years who dote on their nieces and nephews with repressed regret for not having a family of their own and who lose themselves in travel to exotic locations and dining at fancy restaurants with other spinsters to fill the undeniable void in their lives.

Why did they come to such a sad state? Because they consciously or unconsciously chose to make their careers their number one priority. After all, when people are young and ambitious, they think they can have it all. Partnership is just a hop, skip, and a jump away, right? However, with maturity, most adults come to realize the truth of the world. Very few women make partnership. Fewer actually make partnership and have it all. Most of these “successful” partners will pair up with comparably ambitious men and have a dysfunctional family involving in vitro fertilization, live-in nannies, and boarding schools. However, the vast majority of female partners are single or divorced with no children.

Now, what does this mean for you as the associate, consultant, analyst, or other cog being managed by this sort of woman?

First, the idea of management suggests that one can balance multiple tasks or goals by correcting assigning priorities. Single or divorced women are often poor managers because they obviously do not comprehend true priorities. Please spare me the values conversation. I’ll redirect your attention to the lonely but successful spinsters and ask you to have a heart to heart with them. Still arguing? Then you’re the outlier and not really significant to this discussion. And, once again, apologies if you think you are the rare exception. Who is that going nuts again the night before a contract or deliverable is due? Yep, its her again. Forty emails today and wants a lunch time teleconference because she eats yogurt and granola and doesn’t understand why people need to ingest solid food. Don’t forget the teleconference at 7 pm because if she isn’t going home to an empty house, you’re not going home to your family. You know it and I know it.

If you’re a man, you’ll suck it up because this woman made it to the top and sacrificed her soul. She will expect no different from you lest she call you pussy. Moreover, don’t expect any of the topics of conversation (i.e. sports), alcohol-driven events, or activities that help mitigate the stresses of working under a slave driving male partner. You won’t get any of that.

If you’re a woman, its only human nature to want you to suffer just as she did, to sacrifice what she has sacrificed. Your pleas of pediatric appointments and PTA meetings will fall on deafened years. Each whisper of husband and child will merely stir that subconscious cauldron of angst and remorse and, in turn, you will be made more miserable. Don’t you want to make partner too? If the woman partner has a child, consider it a slightly mitigating circumstance. Perhaps she will nostalgically indulge you in a little bit of empathy every once in a while. But, still, if she can manage, why shouldn’t you? Misery loves company. All bets are off if she used a sperm donor.

Its a sad fact that you’re better off working for a male partner. He is more likely to have a stay-at-home wife and children. He be in a better position to empathize with your situation, male or female.

Essentially, having one of the aforementioned women managing your project or deliverables is going to be absolute nightmare, which segues into my #1 rule of surviving a professional services firm:

#1. Never work under a single or divorced woman, particularly with no children.